The Joy Matrix
The focus of my book “Your Encore” is for people over 50 trying to figure out their “retirement” which I hope is actually a “rebirth”. These exercises however have utility for all ages and stages in life - anyone who simply wants to be happier!
The goal of the joy matrix is to discover what truly brings you joy, what activities/relationships absorb you and ultimately what brings your life true happiness. That may seem like a lot to get out of a small chart. While you may not end up discovering the meaning of your life, you will almost certainly find surprising areas in your life where you can focus for meaningful improvements.
Start by making a list & then processing them through the chart.
Click on the first button above to use the Google Spreadsheet TMJ has prepared for you. You can make a copy and fill it in on your computer or print it out. Keep in mind there are multiple tabs. You can toggle between the three tabs to use one spreadsheet to write down “Activities”, another to write down “Relationships” and another to write down “Work”.
Alternatively, you can download and print the PDFs by clicking on the buttons above. You can use one for activities in general, another for relationships, another for weekend activities and another for weekday activities.
Write out your main activities - for example: hiking, work, exercise, chores, reading, watching TV, etc.. You can then place them in “must do” and “your choice”. Do not struggle too much with which category, just put the activities somewhere.
When completing the matrix, try to rank activities based on their overall impact on happiness.
Factor in the implications of not doing the activity? For example, exercise may not be enjoyable in the moment but still warrants a high rating, as without it your stress levels might rise. Another example might be the guilt associated when not fulfilling your responsibilities.
Make a first pass at this joy matrix now, but it’s best to observe yourself over time and review your rankings later. How you think things make you feel and how they actually make you feel are often different.
The Joy Matrix Can Be Helpful With Relationships and Work Too
On the second sheet of the spreadsheet or by downloading the PDF from the third button, you can write out your main relationships - for example: your boss, your significant other, your friends, coworkers, neighbors, friends, etc. - and place them in the sections that make sense to you. You will probably find that these people belong in different spots at different times. Feel free to list them more than once with notes as to when they belong in that spot. Keep in mind this is a list you probably don’t want to share!
You can also use The Joy Matrix to write down information about your current and/or past jobs. You can write down the different tasks from your work in the different categories.
The Joy Matrix - For Activities and Relationships
What’s Next?
Activities
Think about eliminating the “my choice” activities that do not bring you happiness and try to make the “must do” activities more enjoyable (play music while doing the dishes).
For example taking your dog for a walk may be something you “Must Do”. Deciding to play with Fido along the way may elevate this activity to the highest level, inducing an oxytocin “love hormone” surge.
The 11 o’clock news might be in the “Your Choice” column. If the calamity du jour induces the stress hormone cortisol and also impairs your sleep, the lowest rating may be appropriate.
With newfound time, you can focus more on activities that bring you joy.
One observation: the drivers of happiness usually involve pleasure, purpose or pride. Having or lacking control is often a central issue. Where a person draws their “responsibility line” is key.
Relationships
Relationship related activities are obviously huge. The “Your Choice” relationships are easier – spend more time with some people and avoid others.
Problematic “Must Do” people in your life are more of a challenge. Perhaps selective avoidance in tandem with your personal goal of bringing out their best would improve the ranking. If they are on the other on the other side of the political aisle - skip politics, ask about their favorite Netflix series.
Work
If your career is at a crossroads, The Joy Matrix can help clarify which option will bring you the most joy. It can also help you see if you can improve some areas of your current job.
Conclusion
Congratulations - one small matrix complete, one giant leap for what’s next in your life! After completing the joy matrix, you are one step further on your life’s journey.
You now have a better idea of what brings you joy, what doesn’t and where you want to make changes. Hopefully, you also have some ideas for improving the “must do” parts of your life that haven’t brought you as much joy as they could in the past.
Realize that “must dos” like your work at some point become your choice!
Time to reward yourself with a smiling starfish!